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Cooking with Hunk and Pidge

With special guest: Sven

 

 Hunk: Hello every one and welcome to our second show of Cooking with Hunk and Pidge.

 Pidge: You mean the Pidge and Hunk Culinary show.

Hunk: No you mean . . . never mind that we need to introduce today's guest.

That's right and he came all the way from planet Pollex just to be here so lets give a warm welcome to Sven!

Sven enters from stage right, turns and waves at the camera, then at Hunk and Pidge. He makes his way to his stool next to Hunk behind the counter stage right.

 Sven: Vell thank yu very much fur inviting mee on yur shöw.

What did he say?

I think he was complementing our show.

Not exäctly.

You know it has been awhile since we last saw or heard anything from you. Pidge was pretty young then and I myself have almost forgot how to understand your tongue.

Very funnee Hunk.  Romelle seems to be döing it very vell.

Did he mention Romelle! Yes, Sven tells us some more about you and Romelle. Any juicy tidd-bits?

At this moment Hunk is face down to the counter thanks to Pidge shoving him out of the way between him and his gossiptory prey.

Umm . . . So vhat ist dee cülinary deelight fur today?

Pidge grabs Hunk's collar and manually turns his face towards his. Pidge face is flushed and he is now knelling on his stool.

Translation?

Sven turns his head and breathes in sharply.

Let gud offth my face.

What? Pidge releases his catch.

I said let go of my face-

No about him and Romelle.

Nöthing.

Nothing.

No, I understood him there but before that!

Oh. What's for eats around the joint? Good ol' Sven always thinking of his stomach.

No. Its yu hoo ist alvays dhinking of his stomach.

Hunk's face reddens as Pidge has a hard time staying on his stool from his chuckles.

I thought you could not understand him!

(ho ho ha) I could then!

You know it's hard to understand him when he is angry. His accent becomes worst. So I think it is time to bring out the translator.

Translator? I did not know we have a translator?

We do now.

How?

Lance.

Don't say any more.

No really. He felt really bad about the mischief he caused last show and wanted to make amends. He knew that seeing we were having Sven on our show so we were going to need a translator. He even paid for him.

Oh böy.

Is this the same Lance we know?

Shh. Here comes the translator. Let's give a warm welcome to Sven's translator!

I am not amüsed.

As Sven folds his arms a short man enters the kitchen/stage from the same door that Sven did. He was a jolly sort with big bushy eyebrows that came over his eyes. His chef hat shook as he bounced over to the group.

Oh wonderful! He even dressed for the part! We should ask him what he knows about cooking.

The translator takes his seat next to Pidge singing all the way there. Pidge's eyebrows wrinkle at the words.

What is he singing?

Chef: Ver dee ber dee burk dee boo brök brök brök.

In unison: WHAT!

Meanwhile up in the light booth . . .

 Lance: Ha Ha Ha ho hee hee.

Are yu saying my acceent ist vurst dan he'ist?

(Pause)

Hunk under his breath: Man he is really angry, I can hardly under stand a word he is saying.

Um . . . Yes it is time to move on to the cooking part of the show. Pidge, what is today's recipe?

Well I don't know since Merla torched the recipe crate . . . Hold on, there is a note pined on the translator's collar.

The translator notices the groups attention on him, his brows bunch together. He looks down and notices the paper on his collar and his face lightens.

Oh! Ver dee bern der verred dee nöde und dee freünd Lancee dode du cooking shüw.

Riiight. Pidge unlatches the note, unfolds it and starts reading.

What does it say little buddy?

Sven under his breath: little büddy, mure like little tverp.

Svïdish Meetballs.

Vas dat necessary?

No that is how it was written on the card. S-V-I-D-I-S-H M-E-E-T-B-A-L-L-S.

Lets do something else. How about with chicken? You know this show is our salute to poultry.

It is?

It is now.

Meanwhile up in the light booth . . .

Ha Ha. Salute to poultry! That's rich—I know who the two turkeys are.

Back on stage . . .

Let's bring out the bird.

The translator hops out of his chair and runs off the kitchen/stag only to return moments later with a large soup pot.

Wait I didn't order a chicken for them.

Pidge looks at it inquisitively.

Is it already cooked? I thought we were supposed to cook it?

Never mind that-lets take a peek. Hunk rubs his hands together and reaches for the lid.

Angry Spanish guitar fills the kitchen stage then the loud clang of the lid falling back on top the pot. All is silent.

This time it is Pidge who lifts the lid and once again the music begins. Before he can put the lid back a muppet chicken's head appears.

VERD DEE BURK!!! IST POCO EL DIABLO!!! (spoken in perfect Spanish)

The chef goes for a spatula but the chicken snaps it out of his reach with a whip. He ducks behind Pidge and draws the pullets attention to Pidge. The chicken cracks the whip above Pidge and the translator both zoom off, followed by the fowl. The sounds of thrown pots and furious clucks intermingle with the Spanish guitar now.

Sven and Hunk look off at the direction in which the trio ran off. It was not until Pidge was inches away from Sven that the notice they had come in another way. Stools are thrown into the air as the two join in the cockus race. The group rounds the kitchen several times before smacking in to the cameraman and the screen goes static.

Let Sven take you back to the comic page. Stöp that tickles!